This is a transcript of a message that I preached at True Life in the summer of 2014. It is basically a biblical theology of sexuality, which is obviously very a very important subject. We have also attached a link to a podcast from Arrowhead Church, where their Lead Pastor, Ben Shoun, and his wife, Sara, discuss the book and movie, “50 Shades of Grey.” With the recent release of this movie, we feel like this is a timely discussion.
Pastor Jimmy
Link to podcast from Ben and Sara Shoun of Arrowhead Church
“Sexology: A Biblical Theology Of Sex”
(Slightly edited transcript of a sermon preach at True Life on July 27, 2014)
This sermon is called Sexology because what I am going to try to do today is develop a biblical theology of sex. I am going to give you seven statements from Scripture that kind of cover what I think Scripture teaches about this subject really more from a positive side. We have Christology, which is the theology of Christ, Pneumatology, the study of the Holy Spirit, Hamartiology, the study of sin, and all these different ologies. I think that we need a theology when it comes to sex so that we can see it from God’s perspective. I hope that this does not make anybody too uncomfortable. It doesn’t make me too uncomfortable to talk about it and at the rate that we produce babies around here I don’t think that we are too prudish on this subject. In case it does make you uncomfortable, I will just tell you this little story to break the ice. My good buddy, friend, pal Rusty Arwood made me uncomfortable yesterday. Yesterday was Lillie’s tenth birthday, and we are having a party and Rusty and Lori come to pick up Alexandria and Bailey. We are just sitting there in our living room. It’s me and my Mom is there and Robin my wife, and I guess maybe Lee Brown was there and maybe some other people were there. My Mom didn’t know what I was preaching about although she did ask me last night, thank you Rusty, so if she shows up at the second service today you are preaching instead of me. Rusty is like “are you ready for this sermon tomorrow,” and I said, “Yeah, I think so.” He is like do you need to practice? My Mom hears that and she is like “does he need to practice his sermon”? Rusty is like “I don’t know, you need to ask your daughter-in-law.” At this point I can say something and A.)embarrass myself, B.) embarrass my Mom, C.) make my wife mad, or D.) all of the above and so Rusty got me good.
Let’s start this way. Romans 12:2 says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing or your mind, so that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” I hope that we understand that our most important sex organ is our brain and the Bible says “that as a man thinks in his heart so is he.” Everything begins with the way that we think and begins with what we believe. I believe how we think controls what we feel and it controls how we act. The word conform means to squeeze into a mold. If there is an issue in the world, that the world wants to transform us, squeeze us into its mold, it is the issue of sex. We are constantly bombarded with ideas and images. You cannot watch a normal TV program or you cannot walk through the grocery store and checkout without being bombarded with images. The world wants to squeeze us into its mold when it comes to this issue. God wants to transform us. It is the word that we get our English word metamorphosis from through the renewing of our mind. The way that we are squeezed into the world’s mold is by listening to and believing its lies. The way that we are transformed through the renewing of our mind is by listening to and believing God’s truth. With any area of life but especially this one, the bottom line question is are we operating based on truth or are we operating based on falsehood? If I gave a quiz today and I asked you to write out a biblical theology of sex what God has designed it to be, I wonder how we would do. My guess is that most people that have a church background would do better with saying what it is not supposed to be than actually what it is because I think it is a lot of the message that we have gotten. In fact, from a sermon from a series through Song of Solomon, Dr. Danny Akin said this: “In an article in entitled “What They Didn’t Teach You About Sex in Sunday School”. Peggy Fletcher Stack writes many people assume that bible has just one message about sex: ‘Don’t do it.’ Anyone that says that obviously has not read the Bible. God, in His Word, has a lot to say about sex and much is good. Indeed God is pro-sex when it is enjoyed His way and for His Glory. Yes, God should be glorified when we engage in the act of sex. Have you ever thought about it that way before? Sex as God has designed it is good, exciting, intoxicating, powerful and unifying. The Bible is not a book on sex but it does contain a complete theology of sexuality. The purposes for sex, warnings against its misuse, and a beautiful picture of ideal physical and spiritual intimacy as set forth in the Song of Songs. The “one flesh” relationship is the most intense physical intimacy and the deepest spiritual unity possible between a husband and wife. God always approves of this relationship in which a husband and wife meet each other’s physical needs in sexual intercourse.” I think he is exactly right.
Let me mention some resources to you. If you can find Dr. Akin or Tommy Nelson’s teaching on Song of Solomon, I highly recommend it to you. For married couples here are a couple of good books. This is an older book, “The Act of Marriage” by Tim an Beverly LaHaye that was originally written back in the 60’s that was redone about fifteen years ago is a really good resource. Another book of the same type is by Dr. Ed Wheat in his wife, “Intended for Pleasure.” This is what we have used and I highly recommend it although I am sure there is other good resources out there. In talking to your kids ,“Passport 2 Purity” from Family Life Today, by Dennis and Barbara Rainey is really good. We will just kind of touch on this a little bit but you know a big issue in our society today is the issue of homosexuality. Our very own David Robinson wrote this book, “Love Speaks,” and it is an excellent resource. You can get it on Amazon. Everybody should read this book. It is such a big issue and David has done a fantastic job.
That is kind of the pre-introduction. Here is the actual introduction. I know this can be a painful issue for some people just because maybe of abuse, sin, difficulties. I understand that I am speaking to a lot of different potential issues. One of the best teachings I have ever heard on this subject is from Matt Chandler and as he was introducing his message he said, “I have thought through this and I have come up with about 35 different scenarios that I could be speaking to as far as peoples background with this.” I understand that and I obviously cannot get that specific so I am going to try to lay out some principles and hopefully and prayerfully the Holy Spirit will help you to apply these to your life.
I want to give you a couple of false ways to look at sex and then we are going to look at the biblical way. The first is what I think is the prevailing view in our culture today. It is the humanistic view. I just want to read a little bit from the Humanist Manifesto and then I want to share an example with you of what I think this looks like fleshed out in people’s lives. It comes from a lengthy article in the New York Times entitled, “Sex on Campus: She Can Play That Game Too.” Here is part of what the Humanist Manifesto says. It says modern science discredits such historic concepts as the “ghost in the machine” and the “separable soul.” In other words, we have no soul. Let’s keep that in mind when I read from this New York Times article. “Rather science affirms that the human species is an emergence from natural evolutionary forces. As far as we know the total personality is a function of the biological organism transacting in a social and cultural context.” Now that is a real wordy, over intellectualized way to say what? It is saying we are a highly evolved animal. Then it says there is no credible evidence that life survives the death of the body. We continue to exist in our progeny and our children and in the way that our lives have influenced others in our culture. Here are three statements, the three things I said to start with: we have no soul, we are just an animal, and we die and that’s it. This is the philosophy of life, the world view, which our young people have grown up with just being inundated with. I want you to see the practical ramifications of this. Another part of the Humanist Manifesto statement on ethics says, “We affirm that the moral values derive their source from human experience. Ethics is autonomous and situational needing no theological or ideological sanction. Ethics stems from human need and interest.” What that is saying is that everything relative. There are no absolutes, you decide right and wrong. It is based on your interest, your need. Part of the statement on sexuality says, “In the area of sexuality, we believe that intolerant attitudes, often cultivated by orthodox religions and puritanical cultures, unduly repress sexual conduct. The right to birth control, abortion, and divorce should be recognized. While we do not approve of exploitive, denigrating forms of sexual expression, neither do we wish to prohibit, by law or social sanction, sexual behavior between consenting adults. The many varieties of sexual exploration should not in themselves be considered ‘evil.’ Without countenancing mindless permissiveness or unbridled promiscuity, a civilized society should be a tolerant one. Short of harming other or compelling to do likewise, individuals should be permitted to express their sexual proclivities and pursue their lifestyles as they desire.” Let’s put this together; you have no soul, you’re an animal, this life is it, everything is relative, ethics are situational, you decide what is right and what is wrong, and basically pretty much anything goes when it comes to sex.
What is the fruit of that? This New York Times article, I encourage you if you are a parent it is worth reading it. Google it, “Sex on Campus She Can Play That Game Too.” Basically they studied, researched, interviewed about 60 Penn University, which is an Ivy League School, females and they pooled in some other research as well. Here is what pieces of it says. “At 11 on a weeknight earlier this year, her work finished, a slim, pretty junior at the University of Pennsylvania did what she often does when she has a little free time. She texted her regular hookup — the guy she is sleeping with but not dating. What was he up to? He texted back: Come over. So she did. They watched a little TV, had sex and went to sleep. Their relationship, she noted, is not about the meeting of two souls.” Why would you think it is if you have been taught your whole life you didn’t have a soul? Do you see how sad that is? Listen to this. “‘We don’t really like each other in person, sober,’ she said, adding that ‘we literally can’t sit down and have coffee.’ Ask her why she hasn’t had a relationship at Penn, and she won’t complain about the death of courtship or men who won’t commit. Instead, she’ll talk about ‘cost-benefit’ analyses and the ‘low risk and low investment costs’ of hooking up. Another girl they just give the initial A talks about how hard it is at an Ivy League School like this and how hard it is to get into the top clubs, top research projects, and top internships. If I am sober I am working and she says in such an overburdened college life it was rare to her and her friends to find a relationship to invest time in and many people avoided commitment because someone better would always come along. “We are very aware of cost benefit issues of trading up and trading down so no one wants to be too tied to someone that you know may not be the person that you want to be within a couple of months.” Instead casual sex as set on her terms late at night after a few drinks and never at her place she noted because then she would have to wash the sheets. Then later on in the article it goes on and it talks about how this gets started and some of the fraternity parties during early student orientation and the dances and these kind of things that turn into these dance floor makeouts. Dancing like that felt good but dirty, and like a number of girls, Haley said she had to be drunk in order to enjoy it. Women said universally that hookups could not exist without alcohol, because they were for the most part too uncomfortable to pair off with men they did not know well without being drunk. In November of Haley’s freshman year, a couple of months after her first tentative ‘Difmos,’ or dance-floor makeouts, she went to a party with a boy from her floor. She had too much to drink, and she remembered telling him that she wanted to go home. Instead, she said, he took her to his room and had sex with her while she drifted in and out of consciousness. She woke up with her head spinning. The next day, not sure what to think about what had happened, she described the night to her friends as though it were a funny story: I was so drunk, I fell asleep while I was having sex! She played up the moment in the middle of the night when the guy’s roommate poked his head in the room and asked, ‘Yo, did you score?’ Only later did Haley begin to think of what had happened as rape — a disturbingly common part of many women’s college experience. In a 2007 survey funded by the Justice Department of 6,800 undergraduates at two big public universities, nearly 14 percent of women said they had been victims of at least one completed sexual assault at college; more than half of the victims said they were incapacitated from drugs or alcohol at the time.”
Let me just say three things about that: 1.) If education alone is the key to humanities problems a college campus would be the most moral place on the face of the earth and we know that is pretty much the opposite. 2.) Somebody who doesn’t think what we are taught and what we believe doesn’t end up affecting the way we act is completely clueless. This kind of thing is the fruit of the kind of philosophy that I read from the Humanist Manifesto and why is why world view is so important. 3.) I hope you come out of this message today seeing how sad this is and seeing that God has designed sex to be so much more than what these girls are talking about. It is so much more beautiful and special and spiritual than this.
That was the humanistic version. Think about the religious, legalistic version of this. It is not really biblical either. There is a couple of ways that this can go. One is the idea that sex is a duty that you endure to have children. There is kind of the youth group message of “don’t do this, it is dirty, vile, gross, you are going to get a disease, all these kind of things, save it for the one you love on your wedding night.” You know what, that is not really right either. Guys can hear that all day long and it is not going to affect them. I think sometimes women get that message and when they get married it can be hard to flip that switch. A lie is a lie. An untruth is an untruth whether it is packaged in a religious covering or some other kind covering. So what is the truth?
So with all that said in an introduction here are seven things that the Bible says about sex. Grab your Bibles or whatever you use. It will be up on the screen and follow along.
1. Sex is created and designed by God (Genesis 1:27-28, 31; 2:24-25). “So God created man in his own image. In the image of God he created him. Male and female he created them. Then God blessed them and God said to them be fruitful and multiply.” So God made men and women. He said go make babies. In essence he is saying go have sex. It is one of the first things he told them to do. This was God’s idea. Dr. Henry Brandt said, “God created all parts of the human body. He did not create some parts good and some bad; He created them all good, for when He had finished His creation, He looked at it and said, ‘It is all very good’ (Genesis 1:31).” It is obvious that God designed men and women for sex, for procreation physiologically. There is no way to argue with that. Satan did not come up with this. It was not like on the seventh day that God was taking a nap and Satan came down and said, “Hey Adam I want to show you something and I want to tell you I have something that you are really going to like.” God created us and designed us for monogamy. He created a man and a woman and he put them together. So something else this means practically. Every person is an image bearer of God. So when we have sex or think about sex it is with an image bearer and not an object. The reason why lust is wrong or pornography is wrong because it is taking someone who is an image bearer of God and turning them into an object. Here is something else to think about. I think sometimes we act like our bodies are something to be all prudish about. Our bodies are special and the reason the Bible teaches modesty is not because there is something wrong with our bodies it is because there is something wrong with our souls. Our souls have been corrupted by sin and so we turn people’s bodies into objects of lust. That is why the Bible talks about it and if you look into Chapter 2:25, “They were naked, Adam and Eve, the man and his wife and they were not ashamed.” So there is supposed to be a healthy freedom within marriage and modesty outside of that not because there is something wrong with any part of our body but because this is God’s design. It is special and certain parts of our body are only reserved for one person. I think it is important that we start with this idea that this was all God’s idea. He created it. He designed it and us for it. If we understand this came from Him, this is a very important piece of our thinking.
2. Sex is designed to be the consummation and binding of an exclusive, male-female, marital relationship. Let’s go to Genesis 2:24. I will just hit this quickly if you are not familiar with this teaching. Go on our website. Go to the Modern Family Series. Go to the first message in the series and that is what it is about. Genesis 2:24 says, “And man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.” This is God’s definition. This is God’s pattern of marriage. Man and woman leave their biological families to start their own family. How do they do this? They do this by publicly making vows to God and to each other. They enter into a covenant. To me that is the defining mark of marriage. Some people say sex is. What makes a marriage a marriage is the covenant that we make with each other and with God. So they leave. They join together, which means literally they are super glued together and then they consummate the relationship as it says and “they shall become one flesh.” So they go from making public vows to some private spot to actually act out physically what they have already done spiritually. They become a union. They joined their lives together and now they join their bodies together. This why sex before marriage, outside of marriage, by living together is not God’s plan because there is a pattern here. You leave, you join together and then you consummate. You give your hearts, your lives to each other. You make vows. You make a covenant together. You commit to each other. You close the back door. If you are living together the back door is always open and you can walk out at any time. Marriage is an unconditional commitment. It is a covenant and once you join your lives together then you join your bodies together. That is God’s plan. Sex is not just a physical act. It is not two highly evolved animals getting together and bumping bodies. It is two souls joining together after they have placed their lives together. That is a beautiful thing. What that says if you are not married and having sex is that God says repent and follow My pattern so that this can be everything that I have designed for it to be. But this would also say, I would think, that barring some type of physical problem it means that sex is a very intregal part of a marriage relationship because we are one flesh. It is the thing that keeps us from being a business transaction or a roommate agreement. So it is pretty important. Basically understand if we are truly making a covenant with another person and we are giving our lives to them we are also giving our sexuality to them and basically we are saying that all my sexual desires are all now bound up in you and yours are bound up in me. If someone turns that into a bait and switch, hey we are married, we had the honeymoon and now sex is not important; do you see what that is doing to that person at that point? There may be some reasons for it but I would encourage you if you are struggling with that to get some help.
3. Sex is pure within marriage and sinful in all cases outside of marriage. Sex is pure in marriage and sinful in cases outside of marriage. And I think that this is a really important statement and it is worded very specifically. C.S. Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity, “The Christian rule is either marriage, with complete faithfulness to your partner, or else total abstinence.” Where does this come from? Turn to Hebrews 13:4 if you have a Bible or it will be on the screen. Here is what Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is honorable among all and the bed undefiled but fornicators and adulators God will judge.” Now marriage is honorable among all and it says the bed undefiled. I think when you hear bed undefiled it is probably pretty clear what that means. Let me make it a little bit stronger for you. Bed in this case is a euphemism. It comes from the Greek word koitae, which is from the Latin word which is coitus, which is the technical term for sexual intercourse and in the Greek language that is basically what it means. What it is literally saying is that marriage is honorable among all and sexual intercourse undefiled. So it is saying that sex within marriage is pure but then there is the contrast of fornicators and adulators God will judge. Now we will talk about that in just a second but let me give you this statement, “sex in and of itself is a beautiful and holy gift from God. It is not taking something dirty and making it holy by placing it in marriage but it is taking something holy and defiling it by using it outside of marriage.” I think that is a very important way to look at it because it gives us a healthy way to look at it within marriage and it gives us an appropriate way to look at it outside of marriage. Let me read that statement again, “Sex in and of itself is a beautiful and holy gift from God. It is not taking something dirty and making it holy by placing it in marriage but it is taking something holy and defiling it by using it outside of marriage.” I think there are four or five categories basically of sexual sin. Fornication is sex outside of marriage. It is basically kind of the junk drawer Greek term, porneia. We get the word pornography from it. Basically any kind of sexual sin is locked in there. Sometimes in the Bible it is used for sex between unmarried persons. Sex outside of marriage is sin. Extramarital sex is sin. That is what adultery is. Unnatural sex, which would be homosexuality, polygamy because God designed us to be married to one person not multiple people, incest, bestiality, and bisexuality; those kind of things would be unnatural sex outside the way that God has designed us. Let me just say to you that if you are struggling with any of those things particularly homosexuality, it is not natural. It is not of God but He loves you and we love you. We are not here to push you away. We are here for you. We love you enough to tell you the truth. We also love you enough to tell you that God has grace. If you are just struggling with feelings that is not sin. Talk to somebody. If you are sinning in this matter, sinning in any of these categories, sin is sin. Sin is sin and God will forgive. We will do all we can to help you. Another category would be abusive sex. When I say sin is sin this probably goes to another level because we are talking about multiple sins here. Here we are going to be talking about rape, pedophilia, and those kind of things. Then there is the heart issue of lust, which is often fueled by pornography. Now remember what you Jesus said in Sermon on the Mountain, “If a man looks at a woman to lust after her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” So there is sexual sin and God calls us to repent of those things. In 1 Thessalonians 4:3, Paul said, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality.” If we are Christians that is God’s standard for our lives. That is his goal is for us to grow towards. If you are not a Christian he wants to set you free. He wants to put his truth within you to give you a way to think about this and a new way to live this out that is lining up with the way He has created the world. It is going to be healthy and helpful for you.
4. Sex is for intimate knowledge. If we go back to Genesis and remember what we read in 2:24-25, “They should become one flesh. They were both naked. The man and his wife were not ashamed.” Then Chapter 4:1 says that Adam knew Eve his wife and in the past I thought that was just the kind of King James prudish way of being tactful in saying this. The word in the Hebrew is expressive of intimate knowledge. It is a euphemism for sex but there is a point to it. The point is this; sex is more than just body to body. It is also soul to soul. I am telling you that the girls we read about in that article might think that they get drunk and hookup and that it might not mean anything but they are leaving a little part of themselves with those people. It will affect them. It will affect them. Sex is designed to be an expression of love and commitment. It is to be loving and serving instead of self-serving. If the relationship isn’t right the woman is going to end up feeling used. That’s just how it works. So it is for intimate knowledge. It is more than just a physical kind of thing.
5. Sex is for procreation. In a way that is obvious. I just want to state the implications of this a little bit. Look at the rest of Genesis 4:1. It says that Adam knew Eve his wife and she conceived and bore Cain and said, “I have acquired a man from the Lord.” Here is the point of this verse. God is the ultimate gift giver of life but he works through human means to accomplish that. I love what Rick Warren says about this. He says that there may be illegitimate parents but there are no illegitimate children. They come from God ultimately through human means. We have already read in Genesis 1 God said “be fruitful and multiply.” We read what God says about marriage in Malachi 2 when he says that part of the purpose of it is to have Godly offspring. What does that mean practically? Let me just say quickly: A.) We affirm a culture of life that values children as a blessing and stewardship form God in contrast to much of what our society says about children being a nuisance and a burden hindering you from self-fulfillment and that they ought to be avoided. Read Psalm 127:3-5. They are a gift from God. They are a stewardship from God. If you believe the Bible you will affirm a culture of life. B.) We affirm a culture of life that rejects abortion except to save a mother’s life. We are sorry if someone has been through a difficult situation, but it is not just to murder the child because of the situation. The only issue when it comes to abortion is whether or not that child is a living human being. This issue is turning in our society because medical science now clearly shows us that it is a living human being from the point of conception. Ethically once you settle that issue it is murder unless it is to save the mother’s life. C.) We affirm a culture of life that encourages adoption as the Holy Spirit leads families to do that. It is not a biblical commandment but a wonderful thing if God leads in that direction because there are certainly many children who need to be adopted. D.) We grieve with couples who desire to conceive and are having difficulty. We know that is a very painful thing. E.) We believe that having children is part of marriage biblically for those who are physically able but also believe that some people go overboard and get legalistic over this kind of thing so we don’t mandate that you have to have certain amount of children or something like that. We believe that is an issue that you should seek God on. I mean really seek God. I will tell you after Mollie was born she went through three weeks in the hospital and almost died and that kind of thing. We were like we are not going to have kids anymore because we were freaked out with that. I am glad that we did not do anything permanent then so we have Lillie now. So I am saying be very careful with that kind of thing, really seek God. We are not saying that you have to be the Duggars or something like that. God is ultimately the giver of life. So sex is for procreation.
6. Sex is to be the regular part of the marriage relationship. Let’s go to the New Testament now. Let’s go to 1 Corinthians Chapter 7. I am just going to hit this kind of quickly because I want to spend a little more time on the last point. 1 Corinthians Chapter 7 is really a straight forward text where the challenge is whether or not we are going to obey it. Verse 1 make it clear that Paul was answering questions written to him by the church at Corinth. “It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless because of sexual immorality let each man have his own wife and let each woman have her own husband.” So Paul is saying if you are able to celibate, if you are not sexually tempted that is great. Don’t touch a woman. Go serve the Lord wholeheartedly, fully. Apparently what he did but if you are not wired that way you need to get married. You know I got married young and some people give me a hard time about that but I really think part of the reason and I know it is hard in our society today, that young men should try to be very diligent as you growing up to get an education, get a trade and prepare themselves and not wait. The trend in our society today is to wait until you are 30 to get married. You are creating a lot of sexual temptation for yourself if you do that. Let’s be real about it and really the reason people are waiting is because they don’t have any convictions about this kind of thing. If you have self-control that’s great and if not work towards marriage. That is a very practical kind of thing. I half way kid around about this, but I don’t think long engagements are great because if you are really made to be married and attracted to each other, you are fighting sexual temptation. Hopefully you are fighting it but why do that to yourself for years and years if you know that you have this commitment to each other. I mean just be real about this kind of stuff. It says then “let the husband render to his wife affection to her likewise also the wife to her husband.” Affection in this context means a little bit more than a hug and a peck on the cheek. “The wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except for consent for a time that you might give yourself to fasting and prayer so that you may come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” So what are the commands here? The husband is to give his wife the affection he owes her and the wife is to give her husband the affection she owes him. It says “Husbands and wives are not to deprive” and that word literally means to rob one another unless it is for a specified for an amount of time for prayer and fasting. The basis of this is that the wife’s body belongs to her husband the husband’s body belongs to his wife. When we got married we literally gave all of ourselves including our bodies to our spouse. The reasons he gives for this are robbing each other, deprive one another, and then in verse 5 he says, “It gives Satan an opportunity to bring temptation into the marriage.” Now let me say this, if you have sexual problems in the marriage relationship it is not an excuse for some kind of sexual sin and you can have a good sexual relationship and your spouse still can be sinful and misuse this and sin in this way, commit adultery, pornography, whatever. I am not saying this is a foolproof kind of thing but as a general common sense kind of principle, a healthy sexual relationship between a husband and wife is the greatest antidote there is for sexual temptation. I will be brave enough to say men that if you are married and that is the case you know that is true. That is what he is saying here we are to give ourselves to each other, wait for marriage, and then meet the other person’s needs. That may require some give and take, maybe some I don’t know if this is the right word some sacrifice and may in some cases require putting the other person ahead of yourself because real life is not the movies. You are two unique people who probably don’t have the exact same sex drive at the same exact time and everything. Clothes don’t magically fly off and you have a musical score in the background and both of you are on the exact same page at the exact same time and so it is part of the reason why that marriage is work and that marriage is a sanctifying thing because it requires us to act with love and put the other person ahead of ourselves, which exposes our sinful selfishness. That is the principle it gives here. Sex is to be a priority, a regular part of the marriage relationship.
7. Sex is designed by God for physical pleasure. Last thing; let’s go back to the Old Testament. Let’s go to the Song of Solomon. Just to kind of set this up we are going to read chapters 3-4. Let’s go back to Chapter 1 for just a second just to help us get something here. This is Solomon who is the King and his bride who is referred to as the as the Shulamite. Apparently she was a peasant. She was kind of a farm girl. You know opposites attract and this would be kind of an extreme example of that. We still see it today opposites attract. Me and Robin, she is kind of bubbly and outgoing, vivacious, big personality and I barely have a personality; opposites attract. You have Shane and Leann. Leann is really sweet. You got Rusty and Lori. I mean 20 years ago if you told me Rusty was going to marry somebody with a PhD I would have laughed in your face. You know you can’t judge a book by its cover, but Rusty has to because he has never read past the cover but he married a PhD. So you know opposites attract. This must be an extreme example of that here. She says, “I am dark but lovely oh daughters of Jerusalem like the tents of Kedar, like the curtains of Solomon. Do not look upon me because I am dark because the sun has tanned me. My mother’s sons are angry with me. They made me the keeper of the vineyards but my own vineyard I have not kept.” In other words, she had been outside working in the sun and she is not taking care of herself. She is not exactly prepared for the wedding in the way a Jewish woman is supposed to be prepared. She was not Esther spending a year beautifying herself before she goes and meets with the King but apparently Solomon was attracted to her and loved her anyway. We come to Chapter 3:6 and basically you have the wedding ceremony. It says, “Who is this coming out the wilderness like pillars of smoke perfumed with myrrh and frankincense with all the merchants’ fragrant powders? Behold it is Solomon’s couch. With sixty valiant men around it of the valiant of Israel. They all hold swords being expert in war. Every man his sword on his thigh because of fear in the night.” So they have a wedding party, and he has sixty groomsmen with swords. He is taking care of her. This is a pretty massive thing here. I thought we had a pretty big wedding when we had ten bridesmaids and ten groomsmen. My problem was Robin had more friends than me. I was trying to pull guys off the street. You have a tux? Do you want to be in a wedding? I had one thing in my wedding though that Solomon didn’t. I had Rusty Arwood sporting a mullet in my wedding. It was a special thing I am telling you. There are pictures if you ever want to see them. Just come over to the house. It says “Of the wood of Solomon the King made himself a palanquin. He made his pillars of silver. Its support of gold. Its seat of purple. Its interior paved with love by the daughters of Jerusalem.” Verse 11 talks about his mother crowning him with a crown. That was part of a wedding ceremony back then. So there was this massive production. If you have seen one of the Royal weddings on TV, this would have dwarfed that probably. Solomon was the richest man in the world and this would have been a massive thing. So they got married. But then believe it or not, the Bible in the next chapter describes their honeymoon. It begins by describing her. It says, “Behold, you are fair my love! You have dove’s eyes behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats going down from Mount Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of shorn sheep, which have come up from the washings. Every one of which has borne twins. And none is barren among them.” Remember we kind of have to contextualize Scripture. This was recording what happened. Remember this was ancient Near Eastern love poetry. Don’t necessarily try this at home. You know what I am saying, “hey baby you have some sexy teeth.” I don’t know how that is going to work for you guys. You can try and give a testimony if you want. One thing about it is he is speaking her language here. She would have understood goats and those kinds of things because she worked outdoors. There is something to learn there. Understand he starts by praising her. It says, “Your lips are like a strand of scarlet. And your mouth is lovely. Your temples behind your veil are like a piece of pomegranate. Your neck is like the tower of David built like an armory. On which hang a thousand bucklers. All shields of mighty men. Your two breasts are like two fawns. Twins of a gazelle. Which feed among the lilies. Until the day breaks And the shadows flee away I will go my way to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of frankincense.” And yes that means what you think it means. It says, “Your all fair my love.” It means you are perfect. There is no flaw in you. Once we get married, our spouse is our standard of beauty. That’s why it is so important to guard our eyes. We need to treat our wives as if to say “you are it, only you.” “Come with me from Lebanon my spouse, with me from Lebanon. Look from the top of Amana, from the top of Senir and Hermon, from the lions’ dens, from the mountains of the leopards. You have ravished my heart, My sister.” Sister was used as a term of affection back then. It is not anything weird. “You have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes, with one link of your necklace. How fair is your love My sister, my spouse! How much better than wine is your love, And the scent of your perfumes and all spices! Your lips oh my spouse, drip as the honeycomb; honey and milk are under your tongue.” Maybe we should call it Hebrew kissing instead of French kissing because you know this is way before there was a France. “And the fragrance of your garments is like the fragrance of Lebanon.” “A garden enclosed is My sister, my spouse. A spring shut up. A fountain closed.” In other words, you know what he is saying there? She saved herself for their wedding. Then it says, your fruits are like an orchard of pomegranates, fragrant henna with spikenard. Spikenard and saffron, Calamus and cinnamon, With all trees of frankincense, myrrh, and aloes with all the chief spices… A fountain of gardens, A well of living waters, And streams from Lebanon.” And then here is her invitation; Awake O north wind, And come O south! Blow upon my garden, That its spices may flow out. Let my beloved come to his garden and eat its pleasant fruits.” So she gives him an invitation in Chapter 5:1 that says, “I have come to my garden My sister, my spouse; I have gathered my myrrh with my spice; I have eaten my honeycomb with my honey; I have drunk my wine with my milk.” In other words they consummated their relationship. I go through all that just to get to this one point. Look at the end of chapter 5, verse 1. If we really get this it is a transforming thing on how we think about sex. “Eat, O friends! Drink, yes, drink deeply, O beloved ones!” Now friends watching may sound kind of weird here. What is going on here? It is not him speaking. It is God speaking. Here is what Craig Glickman says about this; “He [God] lifts His voice and gives hearty approval to the entire night. He vigorously endorses and affirms the love of this couple. He takes pleasure in what has taken place. He is glad they have drunk deeply of the fountain of love. Two of His own have experienced love in all the beauty and fervor and purity that He intended for them. In fact, He urges them on to more . . . . That is his attitude toward the giving of their love to each other. And by the way, that’s also His attitude toward married couples today.” In the book Intimate Issues, a woman named Beth is quoted as saying, “God designs sex to be for pleasure for married couples who have given their lives to each other as an expression of love for the rest of their lives. So it is a really, really important thing.”
Now to close this, let me give you some applications to think about.
Conclusion-Applications:
1. Conform our thinking on this issue to biblical truth.
2. If you are not married, save yourself for marriage. Andy Stanley says, “Purity now leads to intimacy later.” Purity now leads to intimacy and that is the truth.
3. If you are married, what is the application? Understand that this is a really important part of our lives and be obedient to Scripture and work to make this part of your relationship everything it should be for your spouse and you.
4. Let me read this Scripture . 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 says this, “Do you not know the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God. Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.” Now listen to this, “And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.” Listen, you may have a past but if you are in Christ it is who you were. It is not who you are. Live in that. If you are living in some kind of sin right now it can be in your past. Jesus will forgive you. God is a gracious God.
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