“How To Discipline Our Kids”
Ephesians 6:1-4
Sermon Series: “Picture Perfect Family?”
Introduction: Ephesians 6:4 says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Simply put, “training” refers to teaching them through discipline and “admonition” refers to teaching them through verbal instruction. We focused on admonition last week and are looking at discipline this week.
1. The Importance Of Discipline: Discipline is very important for both parents and children. There are positive consequences for each when we discipline properly, and negative consequences for each when we fail to discipline. Proverbs 17:21 says, “He who begets a scoffer does so to his sorrow, and the father of a fool has no joy.” Verse 25 then says, “A foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her who bore him.” Proverbs 19:13a says, “A foolish son is the ruin of his father.” Proverbs 23:24 says, “The father of the righteous will greatly rejoice and he who begets a wise child will delight in him.” Proverbs 29:17 says, “Correct your son, and he will give you rest. Yes, he will give delight to your soul.”
2. The Definition of Discipline: The goal of discipline is to break a child’s self-will while at the same time building up his spirit so that he will become godly. Hebrews 12 tells us that discipline produces holiness and “the peaceable fruit of righteousness.” Discipline and punishment are not the same thing. Punishment is more concerned with justice while discipline is more concerned with training. Discipline is positive. Its goal is to shape the child into who God wants him to be.
3. The Command to Discipline Our Children: Proverbs 19:18 says, “Chasten [which means “discipline by instruction and chastisement”] your son while there is hope, and do not set your
heart on his destruction.” Proverbs 13:24 says, “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” If you think someone is being mean by exercising discipline, remember that our Heavenly Father is our example in regard to discipline. Proverbs 3:12 says, “For whom the Lord loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.” Actually, the person who fails to discipline properly is the one who is being mean and unloving.
4. The Need for Discipline: The need for discipline is bound up in the sinful nature of a child (Psalm 51). Proverbs 22:15 says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” David Castle said, “Discipline is a reminder that we are sinful by nature.” P.D. James wrote, “If from infancy you treat children as gods, they are liable to act as devils.”
5. The Purpose of Discipline: In other words, what are we trying to accomplish by breaking their self-will through discipline?
A. Teach them to submit to authority
B. Trainthem
C. Earn their respect
D. Maintain a peaceful atmosphere in the home
E. Inflict a degree of pain now in order to keep them
from greater pain later (see Proverbs 23:13-14).
F. Show them that they reap what they sow (Gal. 6:7) G. Prepare them for salvation by teaching them there
are absolute right and wrongs and we are accountable to God. Susannah Wesley, raised 17 children, including John and Charles Wesley. Regarding discipline, she said, “The parent who studies to subdue self-will in his child works together with God in the renewing and saving a soul. The parent who indulges it does the devil’s work, makes religion
impracticable, salvation unattainable, and does all that in him lies to damn his child, soul and body forever.”
6. The Procedure of Discipline: Proverbs 29:15 says, “The rod and rebuke give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” We have already seen that “chasten” means “discipline by instruction and chastisement.” So, teaching and correction must both be included and balanced in order to have proper discipline. Some practical steps include:
A. Build the relationship and set an example
B. Patiently teach and train
C. Correct instead of criticizing (not in anger)
D. Clearly communicate boundaries and expectations E. Consistently maintain the boundaries
F. Give verbal correction
G. Make sure there are just consequences to misbehavior that are consistently enforced (otherwise, we teach them that can get away with things)
H. Use the rod (and other means as necessary) I. Have a procedure that you follow
J. Teach through the discipline
K. Give loving affirmation
Conclusion: We are charged by God to discipline our children properly. Will we obey Him? We will have to answer to Him regarding this because we are the instruments that He has put in place to train our children, and we cannot train properly without discipline.
