“Sexology”
Sermon Series: “Modern Family”
Introduction: Romans 12:2 says, “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” We are conformed to the world by believing Satan’s lies, but we are transformed by the believing of God’s truth. If there is an issue where there is pressure to conform to the world, it is the issue of sex. We are bombarded by all types of unbiblical, ungodly images and messages about sex so we are in desperate need of God’s truth on this issue. Our most important sexual organ is our brain. Therefore, we are going to develop a biblical theology of sex and seek to practically apply it to our lives. We are going to approach this from a primarily positive perspective by defining what sex is according to God’s revelation in His Word. However, we will also state some things that sex is not because you cannot define what something is without also defining what it is not. Or stated differently, you cannot logically say one thing is right without saying that something else is wrong.
In a sermon from a series where he preached through Song of Solomon, Dr. Danny Akin stated, “In an article entitled, “What They Didn’t Teach You About Sex in Sunday School,” Peggy Fletcher Stack writes, “Many people assume the Bible has just one message about sex: Don’t do it.” Anyone who says that obviously has not read the Bible. God, in His Word, has a lot to say about sex and much of it is good. Indeed God is prosex when it is enjoyed His way and for His glory. Yes, God should be glorified when we engage in the act of sex. Sex as God designed it is good, exciting, intoxicating, powerful and unifying. The Bible is not a book on sex, but it does contain a complete theology of sexuality: the purposes for sex, warnings against its misuse, and a beautiful picture of ideal physical and spiritual intimacy as set forth in the Song of Songs. The “one-flesh” relationship (cf. Gen. 2:24) is the most intense physical intimacy and the deepest spiritual unity possible between a husband and wife. God always approves of this relationship in which a husband and wife meet each other’s physical needs in sexual intercourse (cf. Prov. 5:15-21).
My goal in this message is to give an overview of the basics of what Scripture teaches on this subject. I encourage you to take this outline and the Scriptures and do further study. Also, I encourage you to discuss these materials and this message with your spouse if you are married. A couple of books that I would recommend for married couples on this subject are, “The Act of Marriage,” by Tim and Beverly LaHaye, and “Intended For Pleasure,” by Dr. Ed Wheat. I would also recommend “Passport 2 Purity” as a resource to use in discussing this with your kids. I also know that this is a complicated subject with many issues and that I am speaking to people from a variety of backgrounds. I know this is a difficult and painful subject for many people. I cannot be specific about every scenario, but I do hope to give you the basic biblical principles with the prayer that the Holy Spirit will enable you to apply them to your specific situation.
Before we get into what the Bible specifically teaches, let me point out two common but wrong teachings about sex. One is the secular lie, and the other is a religious lie.
1. This is what humanism teaches about sex, and it is the prevailing moral philosophy in America regarding sex. The following quotes are from the Humanist Manifesto 2. The second statement on religion says, “Promises of immortal salvation or fear of eternal damnation are both illusory and harmful. They distract humans from present concerns, from self-actualization, and from rectifying social injustices. Modern science discredits such historic concepts as the “ghost in the machine” and the “separable soul.” Rather, science affirms that the human species is an emergence from natural evolutionary forces. As far as we know, the total personality is a function of the biological organism transacting in a social and cultural context. There is no credible evidence that life survives the death of the body. We continue to exist in our progeny and in the way that our lives have influenced others in our culture.” In part, the statement on ethics says, “We affirm that moral values derive their source from human experience. Ethics is autonomous and situational needing no theological or ideological sanction. Ethics stems from human need and interest. To deny this distorts the whole basis of life.” Then, the statement on sexuality says, “In the area of sexuality, we believe that intolerant attitudes, often cultivated by orthodox religions and puritanical cultures, unduly repress sexual conduct. The right to birth control, abortion, and divorce should be recognized. While we do not approve of exploitive, denigrating forms of sexual expression, neither do we wish to prohibit, by law or social sanction, sexual behavior between consenting adults. The many varieties of sexual exploration should not in themselves be considered ‘evil.’ Without countenancing mindless permissiveness or unbridled promiscuity, a civilized society should be a tolerant one. Short of harming others or compelling them to do likewise, individuals should be permitted to express their sexual proclivities and pursue their lifestyles as they desire. We wish to cultivate the development of a responsible attitude toward sexuality, in which humans are not exploited as sexual objects, and in which intimacy, sensitivity, respect, and honesty in interpersonal relations are encouraged. Moral education for children and adults is an important way of developing awareness and sexual maturity.”
What does this mean and why does it matter? Let me illustrate why it is so important by sharing some excerpts from a New York Times article entitled, “Sex on Campus: She Can Play That Game, Too.” I think the following demonstrates the actions that flow out of being indoctrinated in a humanistic philosophy. Of course, I know this does not describe all college students, but it is based on extensive research at Penn University and other studies as well.
“At 11 on a weeknight earlier this year, her work finished, a slim, pretty junior at the University of Pennsylvania did what she often does when she has a little free time. She texted her regular hookup — the guy she is sleeping with but not dating. What was he up to? He texted back: Come over. So she did. They watched a little TV, had sex and went to sleep. Their relationship, she noted, is not about the meeting of two souls. ‘We don’t really like each other in person, sober,’ she said, adding that ‘we literally can’t sit down and have coffee.’ Ask her why she hasn’t had a relationship at Penn, and she won’t complain about the death of courtship or men who won’t commit. Instead, she’ll talk about ‘cost-benefit’ analyses and the ‘low risk and low investment costs’ of hooking up.”
“For A., college is an endless series of competitions: to get into student clubs, some of which demand multiple rounds of interviews; to be selected for special research projects and the choicest internships; and, in the end, to land the most elite job offers.As A. explained her schedule, ‘If I’m sober, I’m working.’ In such an overburdened college life, she said, it was rare for her and her friends to find a relationship worth investing time in, and many people avoided commitment because they assumed that someone better would always come along. ‘We are very aware of cost-benefit issues and trading up and trading down, so no one wants to be too tied to someone that, you know, may not be the person they want to be with in a couple of months,’ she said. Instead, she enjoyed casual sex on her terms — often late at night, after a few drinks, and never at her place, she noted, because then she would have to wash the sheets. Nationally, women now outnumber men in college enrollment by 4 to 3 and outperform them in graduation rates and advanced degrees. Some researchers have argued that the gender imbalance fosters a culture of hooking up because men, as the minority, hold more power in the sexual marketplace, and they prefer casual sex to long-term relationships. But Elizabeth A. Armstrong, a sociologist at the University of Michigan who studies young women’s sexuality, said that women at elite universities were choosing hookups because they saw relationships as too demanding and potentially too distracting from their goals. In interviews, “Some of them actually said things like, ‘A relationship is like taking a four-credit class,’ or ‘I could get in a relationship, or I could finish my film,’ ” Dr. Armstrong said. Increasingly, she said, many privileged young people see college as a unique life stage in which they don’t — and shouldn’t — have obligations other than their own self-development.
For many Penn students, their initiation into the sexual culture takes place at fraternity parties during New Student Orientation, a five-day period before classes start in the fall, which, along with Spring Fling in April, is known as the biggest partying time of the year. “You go in, and they take you down to a dark basement,” Haley, a blond, pink-cheeked senior, recalled of her first frat parties in freshman year. “There’s girls dancing in the middle, and there’s guys lurking on the sides and then coming and basically pressing their genitals up against you and trying to dance.” Dancing like that felt good but dirty, and like a number of girls, Haley said she had to be drunk in order to enjoy it. Women said universally that hookups could not exist without alcohol, because they were for the most part too uncomfortable to pair off with men they did not know well without being drunk. One girl, explaining why her encounters freshman and sophomore year often ended with fellatio, said that usually by the time she got back to a guy’s room, she was starting to sober up and didn’t want to be there anymore, and giving the guy oral sex was an easy way to wrap things up and leave. In November of Haley’s freshman year, a couple of months after her first tentative “Difmos,” or dance-floor makeouts, she went to a party with a boy from her floor. She had too much to drink, and she remembered telling him that she wanted to go home. Instead, she said, he took her to his room and had sex with her while she drifted in and out of consciousness. She woke up with her head spinning. The next day, not sure what to think about what had happened, she described the night to her friends as though it were a funny story: I was so drunk, I fell asleep while I was having sex! She played up the moment in the middle of the night when the guy’s roommate poked his head in the room and asked, “Yo, did you score?” Only later did Haley begin to think of what had happened as rape — a disturbingly common part of many women’s college experience. In a 2007 survey funded by the Justice Department of 6,800 undergraduates at two big public universities, nearly 14 percent of women said they had been victims of at least one completed sexual assault at college; more than half of the victims said they were incapacitated from drugs or alcohol at the time. The close relationship between hooking up and drinking leads to confusion and disagreement about the line between a “bad hookup” and assault. In 2009, 2010 and 2011, 10 to 16 forcible sex offenses were reported annually to campus security as taking place on Penn’s campus or in the immediate neighborhood. In January, Penn announced that it was forming a commission, led by a faculty member, to study the impact of alcohol and drug use on campus, with a particular focus on sexual violence. When drinking is involved, Haley said, “Guys assume that the default answer is always yes.” “I think a lot of guys get the idea: ‘O.K., this girl’s coming to this party, and she’s drinking. That means her goal of the night is to hook up with somebody,’ ” she said. “They’re like, ‘O.K., she came out, and if she dressed like that, it must mean that she wanted to hook up.’ ”
2. There are religious versions of this that say things like sex is a duty to be endured to produce children or that it is dirty, gross, and vile so save it for the one you love on your wedding night.
With that said in the way of introduction, here is what the Bible says about sex.
1. Sex is created and designed by God (Genesis 1:27-28, 31; 2:24-25). Dr. Henry Brandt said, “God created all parts of the human body. He did not create some parts good and some bad; He created them all good, for when He had finished His creation, He looked at it and said, ‘It is all very good’ (Genesis 1:31).”
A. God designed us for sex physiologically.
B. Satan did not invent it.
C. We are designed for monogamy.
D. God designed our bodies, and they belong to Him (1 Corinthians 6:19-20).
E. Every person is an image bearer of God so sex is with an image bearer and not an object so lust is wrong (Matthew 5:27-30).
F. Our bodies are special, but our desires for them are corrupted by sin so we value modesty not because we believe our bodies are shameful but because they are special (1 Timothy 2:9-10).
2. Sex is designed to be the consummation and binding of an exclusive, male-female, marital relationship (Genesis 2:24-25). The pattern in these verses show why it is wrong to have sex and live together before marriage. On the other hand (barring some type of physical issue), sex is an integral part of the marriage relationship. It is the thing that keeps it from being a business transaction or roommate agreement.
3. Sex is pure within marriage and sinful in all cases outside of marriage. Hebrews 13:4 says, “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed [bed is a euphemism for sexual intercourse] undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” I think the following is a biblical attitude toward sex. Sex in and of itself is a beautiful and holy gift from God. It is not taking something dirty and making it holy by placing it in marriage, but it is taking something holy and defiling it by using it outside of marriage. C.S. Lewis wrote, “The Christian rule is either marriage, with complete faithfulness to your partner, or else total abstinence.” Sexual sin is premarital sex (fornication), extra-martial sex (adultery), unnatural sex (homosexuality, polygamy, incest, bestiality, bi-sexuality, etc.), abusive sex (rape, pedophilia, etc.), and the heart issue of lust (which is often driven by pornography).
4. Sex is for intimate knowledge (Genesis 2:24-25, Genesis 4:1). Sex is more than just body to body. It is also soul to soul. It is an expression of love and commitment. It is to be loving and serving instead of self-serving. If the relationship is not right, the woman will feel used.
5. Sex is for procreation (Genesis 1:28, Genesis 4:1, Malachi 2:15).
A. We affirm a culture of life that values children as a blessing and stewardship from God (Psalm 127:3-5).
B. We affirm a culture of life that rejects abortion except to save the mother’s life.
C. We affirm a culture of life that encourages adoption as the Spirit of God leads.
D. We grieve with couples who desire to conceive and are having difficulty.
E. We believe that having children is part of marriage for those who are physically able but do not mandate unlimited trying or having a certain number of children.
6. Sex is to be a regular part of the marriage relationship (1 Corinthians 7:1-5).
The commands
A. The husband is to give his wife the affection he owes her, and the wife is to give her husband the affection that she owes him (v. 3).
B. Husbands and wives are not to deprive (literally means rob) one another sexually (v. 5) [the only exception is by agreement for a specified time for the purpose of prayer and fasting].
The Basis: The wife’s body belongs to her husband, and the husband’s body belongs to the wife (notice the equality here).
The Reasons For This:
A. It is literally robbing each other when couples deprive one another.
B. It gives Satan an opportunity to bring temptation into the marriage.
7. Sex is for physical pleasure (Proverbs 5:15-20, Song of Solomon 3:6-5:1). At the end of this text, God affirms their physical union. Craig Glickman comments on this text, “He [God] lifts His voice and gives hearty approval to the entire night. He vigorously endorses and affirms the love of this couple. He takes pleasure in what has taken place. He is glad they have drunk deeply of the fountain of love. Two of His own have experienced love in all the beauty and fervor and purity that He intended for them. In fact, He urges them on to more . . . . That is his attitude toward the giving of their love to each other. And by the way, that’s also His attitude toward couples today.” In the book Intimate Issues, a woman named Beth is quoted as saying, “Loving my husband can become an act of worship to God. As my husband and I lie together, satiated in the afterglow of sexual ecstasy, the most natural thing in the world is for me to offer thanksgiving to my God for the beauty, the glory of our sexual joy. I don’t even think about what I am doing; my heart just turns to the Lord and offers praise. Truly His gift of sex is a wondrous thing.”
Conclusion-Applications:
1. Conform our thinking on this issue to biblical truth.
2. If you are not married, save yourself for marriage. Andy Stanley says, “Purity now leads to intimacy later.”
3. If you are married, be obedient to Scripture and work to make this everything it should be for your spouse and you.
4. By the grace of God, we do not have to remain who we were in our sexual sin (1 Corinthians 6:9-11).
5. If you are struggling with pain and/or guilt related to this issue, seek help.
