“How To Discipline Our Kids”
Ephesians 6:4, Proverbs 29:15
Sermon Series: “Modern Family”
Introduction: Ephesians 6:4 says, “And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Simply put, “training” refers to teaching them through discipline and “admonition” refers to teaching them through verbal instruction.
1. The Importance Of Discipline: There are positive consequences for parents and children when we discipline properly, and negative consequences for each when we fail to discipline (see Proverbs 17:21, 17:25, 19:13a, 23:24, 29:17).
2. The Definition of Discipline: The goal of discipline is to break a child’s self-will while at the same time building up his spirit so that he will become godly. Hebrews 12 tells us that discipline produces holiness and “the peaceable fruit of righteousness.” Its goal is to shape the child into who God wants him or her to be.
3. The Command to Discipline Our Children: Proverbs 19:18 says, “Chasten [which means “discipline by instruction and chastisement”] your son while there is hope, and do not set your heart on his destruction.” Proverbs 13:24 says, “He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” If you think someone is being mean by exercising discipline, remember that our Heavenly Father is our example in regard to discipline. Proverbs 3:12 says, “For whom the Lord loves He corrects, just as a father the son in whom he delights.”
4. The Need for Discipline: The need for discipline is bound up in the sinful nature of a child (Psalm 51). Proverbs 22:15 says, “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child; the rod of correction will drive it far from him.” David Castle said, “Discipline is a reminder that we are sinful by nature.” P.D. James wrote, “If from infancy you treat children as gods, they are liable to act as devils.”
5. The Purpose of Discipline: In other words, what are we trying to accomplish by breaking their self-will through discipline?
A. Teach them to submit to authority
B. Train them
C. Earn their respect
D. Maintain a peaceful atmosphere in the home
E. Inflict a degree of pain now in order to keep them from greater pain later (see Proverbs 23:13-14 ).
F. Show them that they reap what they sow (Gal. 6:7)
G. Prepare them for salvation by teaching them there are absolute right and wrongs and we are accountable to God.
6. The Procedure of Discipline: We have already seen that “chasten” means “discipline by instruction and chastisement.” So, teaching and correction must both be included and balanced in order to have proper discipline. Some practical steps include:
A. Build the relationship and set an example
B. Patiently teach and train
C. Correct instead of criticizing (not in anger)
D. Clearly communicate boundaries and expectations
E. Consistently maintain the boundaries
F. Give verbal correction
G. Make sure there are just consequences to misbehavior that are consistently enforced (otherwise, we teach them that can get away with things)
H. Use the rod (and other means as necessary)
I. Have a procedure that you follow
J. Teach through the discipline
K. Give loving affirmation
