“God’s Roles For Husbands And Wives”
Ephesians 5:22-33
Sermon Series: “Modern Family”
Introduction: What are the primary roles of husbands and wives in a marriage? There is a lot of confusion on that subject. It is important that we base our roles on the truth of the Word of God instead of our own ideas or what culture tells us. This subject is considered to be controversial by some and out of date by many, but obeying God in this area is really vital for a healthy marriage.
I. The Husband’s Role In Marriage: The husband’s role in marriage is to lead like Jesus through loving his wife like Jesus.
1. Husbands are to lead like Jesus (v. 22-24).
Wives are commanded to “submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Colossians 3:19, 1 Peter 3:1). The reason that is given is the fact that “the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church” (1 Corinthians 11:3). As Dr. Wayne Grudem has conclusively demonstrated in a study of over 2300 uses of the Greek word, kephale, the word translated “head,” clearly means “authority.” Thus, the teaching here is that the man’s position is the head which means that one of his roles is leadership. Men and women are equal (Genesis 1:27), but God has given us different roles (the Trinity is our example). However, God is the ultimate authority so a husband’s authority is only delegated and subject to God’s authority. Therefore, the focus of my leadership should be in leading my family to do the will of God. There is to be mutual submission in matters of personal preference (v. 21). Our authority is expressed through laying our lives down for our wife like Jesus did for the church (v. 23). Also, the reality is that leadership means that we are first in responsibility and last in rights. Mark Driscoll says, “Being a man means taking responsibility as the covenant head of marriage. I carry my load plus my wife and children’s load.”
2. Husbands are to love their wives like Jesus (v. 25-33).
Verse 25 says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself for her.” Thus, our leadership is to be totally loving leadership. Christ-like love is:
A. Unconditional (v. 25)-It is agape, God’s perfect and unconditional love. We are to love beyond how we are loved. Jesus took responsibility for what is wrong with us.
B. Sacrificial (v. 25)-We are to give our lives to our wives like He laid down His life for the Church.
C. Purifying (v. 26-27)-We should help our wives become more like Christ instead of making that task more difficult.
D. Nourishing (v. 28-29)-We are called to build them up.
E. Cherishing (v. 28-29)-We are to highly value our wives and treat them in a way that is consistent with that attitude.
F. Permanent (v. 31)-We are to choose to love them for the rest of our lives.
II. The Wife’s Role In Marriage: A wife’s role is to love her husband (see Titus 2:4) by following his leadership (submission) and respecting him.
1. Wives are to submit to their husbands (v. 22-24).
The word, “submit,” carries a lot of negative baggage for a lot of people. There are a lot of misunderstandings regarding this teaching so let’s examine it in detail.
A. The Meaning of Submission-Let’s look, first, at what it does mean, and then we will look at some things that it does not mean. “Submit” is translated from the Greek word, hupotasso. It is a military term that means to “line yourself up under someone else’s authority.” It is in the middle voice in Greek, which means that it is an action that you do to yourself. In other words, it is not forced or coerced but done voluntarily by the wife out of obedience to God. However, husbands should strive to love and lead in such a way that it is easy for a wife to do. In essence, it means that the husband and wife are an equal team who work together, but the husband has been given leadership of the team by God, and the wife is called to come alongside him and work together with. However, she is to follow his leadership.
B. What Submission Does Not Mean-It does not mean:
-that women are to submit to men in general
-that there is also not a place for mutual submission
-that the wife is inferior in any way -that the wife is less capable
-that the wife is to be a silent partner
-that the wife is a doormat who passively accepts mistreatment
-that the wife is a slave
-that the wife is to be treated like a child
-that the wife’s personality is to be squelched
-that the wife is to treat her husband like God
C. The Spiritual Nature of Submission-This is ultimately a spiritual issue, between a woman and God. Here are some of the ways this is a spiritual issue:
-Submission is ultimately an act of obedience and submission to the Lordship of Jesus. Thus, submission flows out of your walk with Jesus.
-Submission is trusting God with your husband.
-Submission is following the example of Jesus (1 Corinthians 11:3, Garden of Gethsemane).
2. Wives are to respect their husbands (v. 33).
This is a way for a woman to express love to a man. Dr. Dorothy Patterson has said, “A woman who does not treat her husband with respect is emasculating him.” Someone else has said, “Men have an ability to become what women encourage them to be instead of what they criticize them for not being.”
