“Preparing For A Permanent Relationship”
Song Of Solomon 2:8-3:5
Sermon Series: “GodLoveSex”
Introduction: The most important decision we will ever make is whether or not we will trust and follow Jesus Christ. It determines the future of our lives and our eternal destiny. I believe the second most important decision we will ever make is who we are going to marry. After that decision regarding whom we are going to marry, we have the daily decision of how we are going to relate to and interact with our spouse. The goal is to build a loving, permanent relationship. The season of dating or courtship (which is where Solomon and the Shulamite woman were at this time) is the time to prepare for a permanent relationship. Then, we must continue to do what is needed in order to continue building and growing that relationship for the rest of our lives. Here are some crucial steps to take in order to prepare for and maintain a permanent relationship.
1. Spend quality time together (2:8-14). It is vital for a healthy relationship to spend time talking, listening, and really getting to know each other and also continuing that after marriage.
2. Identify and solve problems (2:15). Jack Deere says of this, “Foxes were noted for their destructive tendencies in crop fields, so her reference to those animals probably suggested metaphorically some problems in their relationship. The beloved was asking her lover to take the initiative in solving the problems that are potentially harmful to their relationship. ‘The foxes represent as many obstacles or temptations as have plagued lovers throughout the centuries’ (Craig Glickman).” Here are some thoughts on “little foxes [problems] that spoil the vines.” Marriage counselors typically say that the biggest issues in marriage are money, sex, in-laws, and children. Those issues will probably provided some challenges, but in my opinion, there are some root issues that will really determine whether or not those issues and others will truly be serious problems or not. These issues include: how we communicate, pride, selfishness, self-centeredness (not approaching things as a team), unrepentance, unforgiveness, and ultimately not being in fellowship with God and living out of our own resources instead of the power of the Holy Spirit. Here are some particular issues to be aware of before the marriage as you prepare for a permanent relationship: approaching life with different values, unrealistic expectations (fueled in our society by media, the self-help industry, romance novels, and pornography), overly focusing on the wedding day instead of preparing for life, being afraid of dealing with issues, and living together before marriage.
3. Give ourselves fully and permanently to each other in complete commitment (2:16). A good marriage is not 50/50 but 100/100. It takes an understanding that we belong to each and a complete commitment to each other to make a relationship last. We are one, and as Andy Stanley says, “You can’t un-one one.” Our plan must be to work things out because if we have a plan B we will probably take it at some point. Jesus said, “Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.’ So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:4-6).
4. Keep our increasing desire for each other in check until marriage (2:17-3:5). Sex is created by God so sexual desire is normal. However, sex is also created for marriage as the physical expression of becoming one in lifelong marital commitment so part of building a permanent relationship is obeying and honoring God in this part of the relationship.
