“Torn Flesh”
Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 19:1-12
Sermon Series: “Flesh”
Introduction: Time will be of the essence so I basically want to dive right in, but let me share few introductory thoughts as we begin.
1. Why preach on divorce? (believe me, I wouldn’t if I didn’t have too)
A. I am commanded to preach the whole counsel of the Word of God. There is certainly a Word from the Lord in Scripture on this issue that desperately needs to be heard.
B. Marriage is an objective, absolute, moral issue. We can be legally right or politically correct and be morally wrong. Many people do not necessarily look at marriage in this way anymore though. Charles Colson writes, “Many Americans no longer treat marriage as a moral commitment with its own definition and nature, a commitment that makes objective demands of us, regardless of what we might prefer. Instead, marriage is regarded as a social construction, as something one can define according to one‟s own preferences.”
C. Marriage comes from God and is foundational to everything else in society so God does not want His church to be silent on it. Plus, marriage and divorce affect large numbers of people. We desperately need God‟s wisdom on this issue.
2. I am not here to condemn you, especially for your past (don’t exhume the body and do an autopsy). God forgives and gives second chances. I have to lift up His standards though. My encouragement is for you to deal with anything that needs to deal with this from the past but primarily focus on doing what God wants you to do from this point forward. We can‟t necessarily undo what has already been done, but we can do the right thing now and in the future.
3. Try to look at this biblically instead of emotionally. Many of us bring pains and hurts, biases and preconceptions to a subject like this. Mine is being a child whose parents divorced. However, let‟s make every possible effort through the power of the Holy Spirit to honesty listen to and obediently respond to the Word of God. Adrian Rogers said, “I would rather have the truth that cuts and then heals than a lie that comforts and then kills.” God‟s Word is our only authority.
4. I also recognize that every divorce involves a specific and unique situation so I am not going to try to lump everyone into a one size fits all category. My goal is to accurately expound the words of Scripture and then properly apply them to various situations and people. The right approach is to establish truth and apply to our particular situation instead of changing the truth to fit our circumstances.
5. I also recognize that there are different interpretations of Scripture and different convictions regarding this issue among Bible-believing Christians. For the sake of intellectual honesty, here are the four primary views regarding this issue:
A. Divorce and remarriage are not allowed under any circumstance. Carl Laney says, “I believe Scripture teaches that marriage was designed by God to be permanent unto death, and that divorce and remarriage constitute the sin of adultery.”
B. Divorce is allowed in some circumstances, but remarriage is never allowed. William Heth says, “Even though marital separation or legal divorce may be advisable under some circumstances, Jesus taught that his disciples should not marry after divorce.”
C. Divorce and remarriage are allowed under a variety of circumstances. Larry Richards says, “We will let Jesus be Lord in the divorced person‟s life and we will stop playing God.”
D. Divorce and remarriage are allowed under limited circumstances (usually defined as adultery or desertion by an unbelieving spouse). Thomas Edgar says, “The opinion that the Bible allows divorce for adultery or desertion with the subsequent right to remarry is sometimes referred to as the standard Protestant view.”
Exposition
With that said in the way of introduction, let‟s look at what Jesus actually teaches in these verses.
1. The Background (v. 1-3)
A. The Historical/Cultural Background of Marriage: Marriages were
arranged by parents, and girls were generally betrothed to a man at a very early age. Joachim Jeremias says, “Betrothal, which was preceded by courtship and the drawing up of the marriage contract, signified the „acquisition‟ of the woman by the man, and thus the valid settlement of the marriage. The betrothed woman is called „wife,‟ can become a widow, be put away by divorce and punished with death for adultery.” However, the marriage was not actually consummated until the end of the one-year betrothal period. By the time of Jesus, there was a tremendous controversy over the question of divorce. It centered on the rabbinical interpretations of Deuteronomy 24:1. Shammai and his followers interpreted it to mean that divorce was allowable only when the wife was found to be unfaithful. On the other hand, the followers of Hillel interpreted it as meaning unfaithfulness or just something that displeased the husband.
B. The Scriptural Background: Deuteronomy 24:1-4, Malachi 2:16, Matthew 5:31-32, Mark 10:1-12, Luke 16:18
C. The Immediate Context: Jesus had just finished a major teaching. This completed His ministry in Galilee. He turned southward toward Jerusalem as headed toward the cross.
D. The Pharisee’s Testing Question: In addition to the multitudes, “the Pharisees also came to Him” (v. 3a). The Pharisees were the largest and most prominent of the sects of Judaism. They numbered about six thousand at their height. The Pharisees were characterized by strictness, wearing easily recognizable clothes, study of the Scriptures, and legalism. Many of them were so opposed to Christ, who exposed and condemned their hypocrisy, that they had already been plotting to destroy Him. Their purpose in coming was to test Him. Testing, peirazo, is the same word that is translated “tempted” in Matthew 4:1. The Pharisees already knew what Jesus believed about divorce because He had shared it in the Sermon on the Mount. They were not asking a sincere question to learn from but were attempting to destroy Him. The wording of the
question is very important though. They were asking if there were any reasons that allowed men to divorce their wives. In others words, were there any exceptions to the no divorce standard?
2. Jesus’ Challenge to the Pharisees (that also applies to us) [v. 4a]: Stop looking for loopholes and obey my Word! “People justify their disobedience by changing their theology.” We need to stop adding buts where God has put periods, such as:
-But I have a peace.
-But I have to follow my heart.
-But I just want to be happy.
-But we just can‟t stand being this miserable.
-But we were never really supposed to be married in the first place.
-But this is hopeless. Things could never be any different.
-But this isn‟t good for our kids.
-But I have found somebody that really meets my needs. You just don‟t understand.
Faith is taking God at His Word and acting on it. Just take the first step and do what He tells you to do. We can only trust Him one step at a time.
3. Jesus’ Teaching on Marriage
A. Quoted His Father from Scripture
B. He grounded it in creation which makes it timeless.
C. God has the authority by virtue of being the Creator.
D. He “made them male and female” and designed us to be in a unique,
exclusive relationship with one another which is the basis for marriage.
E. This shows that polygamy, homosexuality, adultery, etc. are wrong.
F. Marriage is a leaving, joining, and a consummating. It involves making a
public commitment to one another.
G. This shows that living together before marriage and sex outside of
marriage are wrong (Hebrews 13:4).
H. God now views us as two individuals but also as one unit.
I. Jesus clearly affirms that God’s plan is one man for one woman for one
lifetime. He has clearly designed marriage to be permanent.
J. Marriage is a covenant between God and 2 people. We are to be faithful
to that covenant. Divorce and adultery both break the covenant. God puts us together, i.e. He does the marrying, so we are not to tear that apart. Christ’s conclusion is the command not to do that.
K. Tearing something is going to hurt. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:15). Why? I believe it is because of the unfaithfulness to the covenant which we made with Him so it does not glorify Him and because it is hurtful to us while He wants what is best for us in His love.
In Colson‟s book, How Now Shall We Live he states, “How about a reality check here? Social science statistics show that divorced parents don’t generally become “better mommies and daddies.” Few fathers even see their children regularly, and mothers spend less time with their children, too, because of the emotional devastation they suffer and the
increased responsibilities they bear. In fact, the negative consequences of divorce are being measured over and over again, and the findings are grim.
Consider these statistics. Children in single-parent homes are more likely to be poor, and half the single mothers in the United States live below the poverty line. Children of divorce suffer intense grief, which often lasts for many years. Even as young adults, they are nearly twice as likely to drop out of high school. Girls in single-parent homes are at much greater risk for precocious sexuality and are three times more likely to have a child out of wedlock.
Crime and substance abuse are strongly linked to fatherless house-holds. Studies show that 60 percent of rapists grew up in fatherless homes, as did 72 percent of adolescent murderers and 70 percent of all long-term prison inmates. In fact, most of the social pathologies disrupting American life today can be traced to fatherlessness.
Surprisingly, when divorced parents marry again, their children are not any better off, and some studies actually show that the children develop increased pathologies. Preschool children in stepfamilies, for example, are forty times more likely to suffer physical or sexual abuse.
Adults are also profoundly harmed by divorce. A study that examined the impact of divorce ten years after the divorce found that among two-thirds of divorced couples, one partner is still depressed and financially precarious. And among a quarter of all divorced couples, both former partners are worse off, suffering loneliness and depression.
Divorce affects even physical health. Children of divorce are more prone to illness, accidents, and suicide. Divorced men are twice as likely as married men to die from heart disease, stroke, hypertension, and cancer. They are four times more likely to die in auto accidents and suicide, and their odds are seven times higher for pneumonia and cirrhosis of the liver. Divorced women lose 50 percent more time to illness and injury each year than do married women, and they are two or three times more likely to die of all forms of cancer. Both divorced men and women are almost five times more likely to succumb to substance abuse…..
And the effects don‟t stop with the families directly involved. When family breakdown becomes widespread, entire neighborhoods decay. Neighborhoods without fathers are often infected with crime and delinquency. They are often places where teachers cannot teach because misbehaving children disrupt classrooms. Moreover, children of divorce are much more likely to get divorced themselves as adults, so that the negative consequences pass on to the next generation. In this way, family breakdown affects the entire society.
Generation Xers often sense these truths better than their baby-boomer parents do. Many have suffered through their parents‟ divorce and typically say they desperately hope for a marriage that will endure, while at the same time they are profoundly pessimistic about marriage. When grunge-rock star Kurt Cobain committed suicide, reporters digging into his private life discovered that when he was eight years old, his parents divorced, sending him into a sharp downward spiral. “It destroyed him,” admits his mother, Wendy Cobain. “He changed completely.” The experience was so painful that when Cobain made an earlier suicide attempt in 1994, he had a note in his pocket that said, “I‟d rather die than go through a divorce.”
4. Jesus’ Teaching on Divorce
A. Jesus corrected their follow up question by telling them that Moses
“permitted” instead of “commanded” divorce.
B. He told them that divorce comes from the hardness of heart of whoever is
pursuing the divorce. It is the product of sin and unbelief, either on the part of one or both spouses.
C. Moses’ permission (Deuteronomy 24:1-4) was really designed to be a protection to the party that was not pursuing the divorce.
D. Jesus reaffirmed God’s original plan for marriage.
E. Jesus had already given the command to not separate that which God has joined together [i.e. don’t divorce] (v. 7).
F. He says that divorcing your spouse and marrying another person is adultery. He says that marrying a divorced person is committing adultery. It does not matter what the government or a piece of paper says. I do not believe, however, that this constitutes a perpetual state of adultery or that another divorce and remarriage of the original spouse is the answer in this case.
G. Jesus gives one exception. He said that divorce is allowable in the case of sexual immorality (Greek-porneia). This is not talking about a one-time event but an ongoing, unrepentant action. It is not commanding divorce for this reason but forbidding it for all other reasons. It is not forcing someone to divorce their spouse under this circumstance but giving them that option.
H. The reason for this allowance is that adultery breaks the one-flesh principle of marriage (1 Corinthians 6). It is very serious (Proverbs 5:21-23, 6:32- 33). In the Old Testament, it would have broken a marriage and given the opportunity for remarriage because adulterers were to be killed.
I. The disciples clearly saw that this was a difficult and narrow teaching (v. 10-12).
5. Paul’s Additional Teaching: Under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, the Apostle Paul gave additional teaching in regard to this area as He addressed a specific issue that had arisen with the church in Corinth.
A. He begins by reaffirming the Lord’s standard (without dealing with the exception clause) of no divorce and no remarriage (v. 10-11).
B. He then deals with the situation of a believer being married to an unbeliever (this could come about either through disobedience or through one spouse being converted after the marriage).
C. He tells the believing spouses that they are not to depart if the unbelieving spouse is willing to continue in the marriage. He cites the reasons of the sanctification of the unbelieving spouse and children and the possibility of leading them to Christ.
D. However, he does tell them that if the unbelieving spouse departs that they are not under bondage. This means that he or she is free to remarry if the unbelieving spouse goes through with a divorce.
6. My View of the Scriptures Teaching on Divorce and Remarriage: I believe that marriage is a sacred and permanent commitment to God and each other. The Bible
makes that very clear. God hates divorce (Malachi 2:16) and wants to bless us with joyful and godly homes. However, in order to protect the innocent, He does allow (not command) divorce and remarriage in the cases of unrepentant sexual immorality and the desertion of a believing spouse by an unbelieving spouse. In cases of sin in regard to this issue, He is gracious and forgiving when we repent, but there are consequences to our actions.
Conclusion-Applications:
1. Those that have broken God’s commands in this area:
A. Confess you sin and repent. Realize that God will forgive you.
B. Make things right with those you have harmed.
C. Pursue reconciliation if it is at all possible.
D. Realize that God will give you a new start in life if you will allow Him to.
2. Those that have been harmed by someone else’s disobedience in regard to this area:
A. Realize that part of Jesus’ teaching that we looked at today was given to protect people in your shoes.
B. Work through your hurt, forgive, and allow God to do a work of healing in you.
C. Realize that God is not judging you for someone else’s sin.
D. Be open to reconciliation.
E. Realize that God permits you to remarry if your spouse committed
adultery, was an unbeliever who deserted you, or has committed adultery by remarrying.
3. Those who are divorced and remarried unbiblically:
A. Confess any sin from the past that has not been confessed and apologize
to any person that needs to be apologized to.
B. Beyond that, leave the past in the past. It can’t be undone or redone.
God is a gracious and forgiving God of the second chance.
C. Be obedient to God and committed to one another in order to build the
marriage that God wants you to have.
4. Those who are divorced and not remarried:
A. Examine your marriage and divorce in light of Scripture. Did you file for
the divorce or was this something done by your spouse that you did not really want? B. Ask forgiveness of God and anybody else that you need to.
C. Realize that God still loves and cares for you, no matter what the
circumstances.
D. Realize that God does not hold you guilty for what someone else has done
if you have not broken His commands.
E. Pursue reconciliation if there is any possibility for it at all.
F. Only look to remarry if you have biblical grounds to do so. In that case,
be very careful about who you marry and be sure to deal with issues from the past first.
G. Am I saying that someone who has divorced without biblical grounds cannot righteously remarry within the will of God? The answer is yes, other than remarrying your original spouse. Jesus very clearly calls it adultery. I know that is tough, but I believe that is what Jesus is teaching. There are consequences to sin. Jesus wanted His teaching to serve as a deterrent to divorce. God wants us to stop this proliferation of divorce and stick to His original plan of one man for one woman for one lifetime. Everything will be better if we obey Him. If you are in this circumstance, ask God for the grace you need in your singleness.
5. Those who are not yet married:
A. Seek God’s will in regard to who you marry. Realize that a non-
negotiable part of His will is for you to be a surrendered Christian and for you to marry another surrendered Christian.
B. Get godly counsel.
C. Run from an on again/off again relationship.
D. Be patient and do not rush in to a marriage.
E. Stay sexually pure. Steven Furtick says, “Sex before marriage destroys
good relationships and prolongs bad relationships.”
F. Do not live together before marriage.
G. Make sure that you are really good friends first.
H. Make a commitment that divorce is not an option and will never be
mentioned in any way, shape, or form.
I. Get biblical, pre-marital counseling.
6. The Married:
A. Remember that marriage is about covenant faithfulness-not feelings or
circumstances.
B. Reaffirm your commitment to your spouse and to a permanent union. Be
thankful for the good things about them and remember our imperfections as well. C. Strive to have a great relationship by making it a priority and working on
problems.
D. Forgive and leave things in the past as needed.
E. Guard our minds and be very careful in our dealings with the opposite
sex.
F. Repent of things that are causing marital problems. Gary Thomas said,
“Couples don‟t fall out of love so much as they fall out of repentance.”
G. Get help.
H. Build on the rock of obedience to Jesus so you will be able to withstand
the storms that inevitably come in life (Matthew 7:24-27).
I. Trust Jesus, put Him first, and walk in His Spirit so you can experience
His enabling power.
