“What To Look For In A Potential Spouse”
Song of Solomon 1:1-2:7
Sermon Series: “GodLoveSex”
Introduction: I believe Song of Solomon is ancient near Eastern love poetry that depicts the courtship, wedding, and early part of the marriage between Solomon and his first wife. He certainly messed things up later in his life through disobeying God by being a polygamist. However, this is a divinely inspired picture of what God wants a relationship to look like that also pictures the love of God for Israel and the love of Jesus for His bride, the church.
We are going to focus on principles we can glean from this story and apply to our relationships. The first three and a half chapters are about their courtship, and so we will begin the series today by talking about what to look for in a potential spouse. There are three different ways we are going to apply this:
-For those of you are single, use this wisdom (from the wisest man who ever lived) as you look for the right type of person to marry.
-Apply this to yourself and focus on becoming the right kind of person that someone would want to marry. Abraham Lincoln said, “The success of a marriage depends not only on having the right partner, but on being the right partner.”
-Continue to live these principles out in the marriage relationship. It is vital that we not lose sight of what brought us together in the first place. Ultimately, a relationship cannot rise above the level of the character and maturity of the two people in the relationship.
What to look for in a potential spouse…
1. Godly character (1:1-4). Verse 3 says “your name is ointment poured forth.” His godly character is affirmed by godly counsel (the daughters of Jerusalem). We need to remember that rationalization leads to regret. The inward is much more important and lasting than the outward (Proverbs 31:30). Look for a giver instead of a taker.
2. Someone who accepts and appreciates your outward appearance and status in life (v. 5-6). Solomon accepted her more than she accepted herself. She had to work outside so her skin was tanned while the standard of beauty in that society was pale skin. Our mate has to be the sole standard of beauty for the rest of our lives. He also loved her even though he was the king, and she was a working, peasant girl.
3. Christ-honoring standards (v. 7-8). She would not dress up like a prostitute to pursue him. Someone has said, “Don’t like the fish you are catching? Change the bait you are using.” Andy Stanley says, “Purity nows leads to intimacy later.”
4. Friendship (v. 9). The phrase, “my love,” is used repeatedly through the book and appears for the first time in this verse. It has a connotation of friendship. Friendship is the foundation for a healthy, lasting, fulfilling relationship. We have to approach life as a team.
5. Someone who builds you up (v. 9-17). This is how we see them relating to each other (Ephesians 4:29). It has to go both ways.
This results in…
1. Security…I feel special (2:1-2).
2. Protection…I feel safe (2:3-4).
3. Passion…I must keep my desires in check [for the time being] (2:5-7).
Conclusion: Solomon is a picture of our Shepherd-King, Jesus Christ. It takes the loving work of Jesus in our hearts to live out this type of relationship. We know that Solomon, even though he was incredibly wise, began to disobey God (1 Kings 11:1-13) and messed this relationship up. We will do the same thing when we are not living in fellowship with the Lord.
