“How To Handle Conflict”
Song of Solomon 5:2-6:13
Sermon Series: “GodLoveSex”
Introduction: We see Solomon and the Shulamite woman quickly go from holy wedlock to holy headlock. Every relationship will have conflict with degrees of it ranging from friendly disagreement to fighting. One of the keys to having a healthy, lasting marriage is handling and resolving conflict in a healthy manner.
I. Causes of Conflict (5:2-5):
1. Unmet expectations. Every relationship will have some degree of these because we are limited, sinful human beings.
2. Self-centeredness. Our selfishness and sinfulness leads to conflict. Conversely, we have harmony in our relationship the more we focus on meeting our spouse’s needs.
II. Cures for Conflict (5:6-6:4):
1. Resolve to resolve it quickly (5:6-8). There were painful consequences because of the unresolved conflict in their relationship, and the same thing will happen to us. We should resolve to deal with it that day (Ephesians 4:26).
2. Remember the good about your spouse (5:9-16). We tend to blow things out of proportion when we are angry so it is wise for us to focus on our spouse’s good points.
3. Reaffirm the covenant (6:1-3). Remember that you are one and the only option is working things out.
4. Reconcile the relationship (6:4-13). Remember that somebody has to be the grown-up and take the first step. Here are some key steps to take in reconciling the relationship:
A. Speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15). Always be honest, but be kind. Avoid character assassination. Limit the discussion to the issue at hand. Use “I” messages to express your personal thoughts and feelings instead of “you” messages that are accusatory. Avoid exaggerations (“always” and “never” are rarely true).
B. Listen (James 1:19-20).
C. Don’t act in anger. Don’t blow up or clam up. Even if we do not feel love at a given moment, we can at least love them like an enemy (Matthew 5:44).
D. Be more concerned with restoring the relationship than winning the argument.
E. Repent (2 Corinthians 7:10). This is towards God and our spouse. It is a genuine, “I’m sorry,” and needed steps to fix things.
F. Forgive (Ephesians 4:32).
III. Consequences of Resolving Conflict (6:4-13):
1. Affection is renewed.
2. The relationship grows.
3. Passion is rekindled.
Conclusion: Sin is the root of our conflict. This goes back to the fall in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 3). As soon as Adam and Eve were in conflict with the Lord, they began to be in conflict with each other. We are generally not going to be in right relationship with others when we are not in right relationship with God. The good news is that God pursued them and made provision for their forgiveness. I encourage you to be reconciled to God through Jesus Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17-21) and then pursue reconciliation with your spouse and others as needed.
